Love is in the Air

Ways To Make Valentine’s Day Into A Special Time

Mark Williams
The Bulletin Staff Writer

Each February, candy, flowers, and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, all in the name of St. Valentine. But who is this mysterious saint and why do we celebrate this holiday? The history of Valentine's Day -- and its patron saint -- is shrouded in mystery. But we do know that February has long been a month of romance. St. Valentine's Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition. So, who was Saint Valentine and how did he become associated with this ancient rite?

One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men -- his crop of potential soldiers. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death. Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons where they were often beaten and tortured.

According to another legend, Valentine actually sent the first 'valentine' greeting himself. While in prison, it is believed that Valentine fell in love with a young girl -- who may have been his jailer's daughter -- who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter, which he signed 'From your Valentine,' an expression that, of course, is still in use today; and although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories certainly emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic, and, most importantly, romantic figure.

According to the Greeting Card Association, an estimated one billion valentine cards are sent each year, making Valentine's Day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year after Christmas. Approximately 85 percent of all valentines are purchased by women. In addition to the United States, Valentine's Day is celebrated in Canada, Mexico, the United Kingdom, France, and Australia.

Our society tells us to get excited about romantic love and to celebrate the chemistry that brought us together with our loved one on Valentine’s Day. Of course, the best time to do romance is the other 364 days of the year when it isn’t expected and will mean more. However, if you don’t show up on Valentine’s Day with something special, it will be duly noted in the hidden recesses of your loved one’s heart as evidence of unrequited love -- a very painful thought indeed.

Like it or not, your spouse is probably an incurable romantic. By some mysterious law of nature, romantics seem to pair up with the romantically challenged. Most romantics don’t think it is romance if it is their idea. This is something they hope you discover on your own. If your romantic partner has to coach you on how to do it, it takes the fun out of it.

A one word definition of romance is “surprise.” Not just any surprise, but a surprising way to show your loved one that you cherish and value his or her presence in your life: it is the unexpected thoughtfulness, the surprising gesture of love, the perfect gift, a love note left to be found, a bouquet of wildflowers, a surprise night out. It is an overnight trip for just the two of you. It is the thoughtfulness that goes into the surprise that makes it even better. It is playfulness in the kitchen and in the bedroom. It is letting your loved one know that he or she is attractive and desired. It is a mood and atmosphere of love, the care in which the stage is set, the extra effort for the perfect touch.

It is sexuality cloaked in mystery. It is male and female discovering each other anew. It is the unexpected moment of being cherished by one who loves you. But don’t put the cart before the horse. Without the everyday experience of being loved and cherished, gestures of romance will not be appreciated -- they may even be resented. Short-circuit the storms of conflict that destroy the electricity of your love and let the warmth of your love replace the chill of indifference.

Love is the expression of attitudes and behavior in which the well-being of our loved one is first and foremost in our minds -- our happiness is not complete without his or her happiness. This loving consideration is expressed in many ways -- most of all, in the constancy of daily actions. Simply put, the big things are the little things. The lift and loveliness of life comes with daily doses of kindness, consideration, courtesy, thoughtfulness, affection and appreciation.

So what exactly is love? It is greeting your loved one in a special way, showing your gladness to be reunited again. It is offering a helping hand, giving personalized attention, being patient with imperfection. It is remembering special occasions -- you know, like Valentine’s Day.

It is communicating with an affectionate touch or a knowing glance and listening with an understanding and caring heart. It is giving comfort in time of need, sharing innermost feelings and expressing one’s love. It is heartfelt recognition and admiration for what your loved one does and who he or she is -- a desire to please and knowing how to please. It is acknowledging the gifts and love that are so freely given to you and putting your loved one first above all else and all others.

But love takes work: a loving relationship doesn’t happen without thinking, listening, planning and giving of one’s time. To get additional yield from your relationship, start with the rich soil of love, expose it to the sunshine of attention, add timely showers of appreciation, cultivate with cooperation, pick out the weeds of selfishness and indifference and then fertilize with romance.

Feeling fertilized yet? Your loved one will know of your love, radiate its effects, and return it willingly and gladly. Romance is addictive. Plan a few romantic surprises and you’ll be hooked. Don’t forget Valentine’s Day -- a good day to start.
Love comes in all shapes and sizes and even species: this year many pet lovers are taking part in a new tradition that involves the four-legged loves of their lives. According to a national survey of 1,000 U.S. pet owners, more than 60 percent plan to include their pet in their Valentine's Day celebrations.

In fact, 43 percent of men said they prefer to spend the holiday with just their pet, citing that their furry companion lowers their stress. And, of the women who said they prefer celebrating Valentine's Day with their four-legged friend, 30 percent said it's because the pet is more in tune with their feelings than anyone else.

"Valentine's Day is no longer a day to celebrate with just our human loved ones -- it's about our pets, too," says dog trainer and author Kathy Santo. "Whether it's including their pet in a family photo, insuring their health or showering them with Valentine's Day gifts; it's an indication that more people consider their pets a beloved part of the family."

Pet owners or those pondering a pet might consider finding their perfect match this Valentine's Day at the county’s shelter or a rescue organization. It's one thing to be loved, but it's quite another to experience the unconditional love that comes with adopting one of the thousands of homeless dogs and cats just waiting to find forever homes. Plus, take it from the 35 percent of pet owners who plan to include their pet in their Valentine's Day celebration because it lifts their spirits; pets are also a surefire way to help avoid the Valentine's Day blues.

Looking for a great Valentine’s gift that won’t piddle on your carpet? Roses have long been the top choice for Valentine's Day floral arrangements, with more than 200 million produced for the holiday last year; and although men buy more flowers than women, the recipient is not always a mate -- mothers and daughters often receive flowers, too.

But isn’t a rose just a rose? To spruce up a Valentine’s bouquet, try using nontraditional rose colors, such as yellow, peach, pink and even orange or purple for a contemporary design. Traditional bouquets tell someone you care, but presenting her with a design that reflects her personality makes a lasting impression.

There's a romantic streak deep in the heart of Texans and, come Valentine's Day, a chorus of Lone Star lips will be whispering that magical four-letter word: wine. This, after all, is the nation's fifth-largest wine producing state and its winemaking roots date back to the 18th century. And while restaurants and wine retailers have fond feelings about February 14, the day presents a special challenge to the connoisseur Casanova: what wine goes with love? 

"Whatever Texas wine you enjoy is the right wine," says Bobby Champion Jr., wine marketing coordinator for the Texas Department of Agriculture. "Texas is home to more than 130 wineries, so the selection is outstanding. In some cases, people planning something special for Valentine's might buy a more expensive vintage than they'd usually select, and it's always a nice gesture to choose the favorite wine of your significant other even if it's not your own." 

For a lot of Texans, a romantic Valentine's Day destination is as near as their local winery. Much more than a manufacturing facility, many of these establishments have beautifully appointed tasting rooms and event facilities. During February, wineries across Texas plan special activities for couples. 

Among the most popular is the Hill Country Wine Lovers Trail, an affiliated tour of 22 wineries in the scenic Texas Hill Country. The two-weekend event is held on the Friday, Saturday and Sunday before and after Valentine's Day. Visitors pay one price and can sample wine and chocolates at each stop on the tour; there are a few great wineries within reasonable driving distance from Montgomery County:

Bernhardt Winery in Plantersville produces quality wines and provides a fun tasting experience in a warm environment. A small “mom and pop” boutique winery, the Bernhardts produce classic varietals and unique blends -- approximately 4,000 gallons of wine each year; their Tuscan-style tasting room sits on top of a beautiful hill overlooking endless hills and valleys, much like Tuscany. Bernhardt Winery also carries traditional wine merchandise, along with fine jellies, jams and sauces. 936-894-9829. 

Western Winery in historic Montgomery offers a large variety of Texas wines from all across the Lone Star State, wine accessories, unique gifts for all occasions -- plus there’s home décor, gourmet foods and specialty beers and ales. Enjoy the special tasting in our delightful atmosphere or fill a glass and sit a spell. 936-597-8669. 

A recent survey reveals that men and woman see pretty much eye to eye when it comes to the top Valentine's Day gifts, but men spend nearly twice as much as women: a special dinner is tops between the surveyed sexes. Of the men surveyed, 69 percent say they plan to buy flowers, followed by 49 percent who plan to candy for their sweetheart. Luckily, flowers and candy also came in second and third for gifts that women want on Valentine's Day.

Women surveyed said they planned to buy their special Valentine love some music or books, DVDs or games. However, a large percentage of men listed a night out on the town or a weekend getaway as gifts they'd like to receive. Fortunately for both men and women, almost 75 percent of those surveyed are always or more often than not, satisfied with the gift they receive.

The survey also showed that men spend almost twice as much as women do. Men spend an average of just over $98, where women spend an average of just over $54; and it also looks like singles try harder to impress than those who are married. The survey results revealed that singles spend around $95, compared to around $69 spent by married individuals.

Despite what the survey results show, not everyone gets it right. For those less-than-romantic folks or those who are gift-giving challenged, there is help. MSNBC recently released a list of the top five worst gifts: lingerie, flowers bought at a gas station, a gym membership, clichéd jewelry, and household goods. You should probably also steer clear of buying her a bathroom scale, a vacuum cleaner, a break-up guide, a power drill or porn.

But, hey, you do what you want…

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